Another meme, because I'm fresh out of anything else right now

1. You have 10 dollars and need to buy snacks at a gas station:
I do? Okay, probably Sun Chips and iced tea.

2. If you were reincarnated as a sea creature, what would you want to be?
A dolphin or an otter (do otters count?).

3. Last book you read?
As in, most recently finished physical book? God's Dice by S. Andrew Swann (fantasy novel with local Cleveland color, by a local Cleveland writer)

4. Describe the last time you were injured?
About a week and a half ago, falling on ice and breaking my ankle. Ouchie.

5. Of all your friends, who would you want to be stuck in a well with?
Whichever one is most likely to be clever about getting out of wells.

6. What is the wallpaper on your cell phone?
It depends on where we are on the sports-season calendar. Right now it's the Buffalo Sabres logo. Which is interesting, given my current love-hate relationship with ice.

7. If you could only use one form of transportation what would it be?
Local or long distance? Because my answer will be different depending on the answer to that question.

8. Most recent movie you have watched in the theatre?
A Scanner Darkly, I think. I don't go to the movies very often.

9. Name an actor/actress/singer you have the hots for:
Meh. I really don't pay much attention to the Hollywood set when it comes to getting the hots for people. Musicians are more my style.

10. What's your favorite kind of cake?
Chocolate

11. Look to your left, what do you see?
My bookshelves.

12. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
Depends on the shoes. For lace-up sneakers, usually not. For lace-up boots, definitely. Most of the rest of my shoes don't lace up anyway.

13. Favorite toy as a child?
Do art supplies count? If not, then probably my miniature dolls.

14. Do you think people talk about you behind your back?
It wouldn't surprise me.

15. Do you like running long distances?
I've never been able to do that, unfortunately. I wish I could.

15. Have you ever eaten snow?
From birth to the age of 23 I lived in ski country in Western New York. What do you think? (But never the yellow kind!)

16. What color are the sheets on your bed?
Pastel blue, at the moment. The other ones are pastel yellow.

17. What is the first television theme song that pops in your head?
The theme to Red Green.

18. Do people consider you smart?
Often, yes.

19. How many piercings do you have?
Double-pierced ears.

20. What is your favorite salad dressing?
Ranch or bleu cheese.

(Yes, thank goodness it's satire)

RIAA Declares Using Brain to Remember Songs is Criminal Copyright Infringement

(click the above link for complete story)

To wit:

On the heels of the RIAA's recent decision to criminalize consumers who rip songs from albums they've purchased to their computers (or iPods), the association has now gone one step further and declared that "remembering songs" using your brain is criminal copyright infringement. "The brain is a recording device," explained RIAA president Cary Sherman. "The act of listening is an unauthorized act of copying music to that recording device, and the act of recalling or remembering a song is unauthorized playback."

The RIAA also said it would begin sending letters to tens of millions of consumers thought to be illegally remembering songs, threatening them with lawsuits if they don't settle with the RIAA by paying monetary damages. "We will aggressively pursue all copyright infringement in order to protect our industry," said Sherman.

In order to avoid engaging in unauthorized copyright infringement, consumers will now be required to immediately forget everything they've just heard -- a skill already mastered by U.S. President George Bush. To aid in these memory wiping efforts, the RIAA is teaming up with Big Pharma to include free psychotropic prescription drugs with the purchase of new music albums. Consumers are advised to swallow the pills before listening to the music. The pills -- similar to the amphetamines now prescribed for ADHD -- block normal cognitive function, allowing consumers to enjoy the music in a more detached state without the risk of accidentally remembering any songs (and thereby violating copyright law).

Consumers caught humming their favorite songs will be charged with a more serious crime: The public performance of a copyrighted song, for which the fines can reach over $250,000 per incident. "Humming, singing and whistling songs will not be tolerated," said Sherman. "Only listening and forgetting songs is allowed."

Consumers attempting to circumvent the RIAA's new memory-wiping technology by actually remembering songs will be charged with felony crimes under provisions of the DMCA (Digital Millenium Copyright Act). The Act, passed in 1998, makes it a felony crime to circumvent copyright protection technologies. The RIAA's position is that consumers who actually use their brains while listening to music are violating the DMCA. "We would prefer that consumers stop using their brains altogether," said Sherman.

With this decision, the RIAA now considers approximately 72% of the adult U.S. population to be criminals. Putting them all in prison for copyright infringement would cost U.S. taxpayers an estimated $683 billion per year -- an amount that would have to be shouldered by the remaining 28% who are not imprisoned. The RIAA believes it could cover the $683 billion tab through royalties on music sales. The problem with that? The 28% remaining adults not in prison don't buy music albums. That means album sales would plummet to nearly zero, and the U.S. government (which is already deep in debt) would have to borrow money to pay for all the prisons. And where would the borrowed money come from? China, of course: The country where music albums are openly pirated and sold for monetary gain.

When asked whether he really wants 72% of the U.S. population to be imprisoned for ripping music CDs to their own brains, RIAA president Sherman shot back, "You don't support criminal behavior do you? Every person who illegally remembers a song is a criminal. We can't have criminal running free on the streets of America. It's an issue of national security."

NOTE: This is a satire report on the RIAA. That means it's written as fictional humor. It does not yet represent the actual position of the RIAA, although from the way things are going, the association may soon adopt it. Permission is granted to make copies of this story, redistribute it, post it and e-mail it (please provide proper credit and URL) as long as you do not actually remember it because copying to your brain is now strictly prohibited. Any attempts to circumvent the memory-based copyright restrictions on this article will result in your brain imploding, causing such an extreme loss of cognitive function that your only hope for any future career will be running for public office.

###

About the author: Mike Adams is a holistic nutritionist with a mission to teach personal and planetary health to the public He has authored more than 1,500 articles and dozens of reports, guides and interviews on natural health topics, impacting the lives of millions of readers around the world who are experiencing phenomenal health benefits from reading his articles. Adams is an honest, independent journalist and accepts no money or commissions on the third-party products he writes about or the companies he promotes. In 2007, Adams launched EcoLEDs, a maker of energy efficient LED lights that greatly reduce CO2 emissions. He also founded an environmentally-friendly online retailer called BetterLifeGoods.com that uses retail profits to help support consumer advocacy programs. He's also the CEO of a highly successful email newsletter software company that develops software used to send permission email campaigns to subscribers. Adams also serves as the executive director of the Consumer Wellness Center, a non-profit consumer protection group, and regularly pursues cycling, nature photography, Capoeira and Pilates. Known as the 'Health Ranger,' Adams' personal health statistics and mission statements are located at www.HealthRanger.org

[...] For Sale

Courtesy of Making Light

Though I will admit I hadn't been aware they were being marketed on eBay.